10 Reasons to be Happy

 Sometimes a good cup of coffee with friends will

cheer you up.

Here's a little exercise that can really help on a day
when life seems too hard. It's called 10 Reasons
 to be Happy.

I have tried this exercise in classes for years with
surprising results.  People who have lived through
the most horrifying events can start to feel better
when they can come up with even one small reason
to be happy.

And for those of us blessed with leading
 fairly decent lives most of the time, it's good
 to focus on what's working, instead of what's not.

I'm a good candidate for this today because I have
a cold and the flu. So here's how it works.  The
 reasons don't have to be earth shatteringly
magnificent.  If you're really down you may just
be happy to be alive.

My list today:
1.  I am almost finished my portrait commission

2. Steven is getting better, which means there's hope
    for me.

3. It was a beautiful day.

4.  I sat outside for a few minutes with the cat.

5. Steven bought enough lemons for me to make
   lots of hot lemon to get rid of this cold.

6. William Kuhn who wrote the wonderful
     novel Mrs. Queen Takes The Train wished
     me well on my art blog.

7. There was a great conversation about the word
    hashtag on Q on CBC Radio this morning.

8.  We had pasta and tomato sauce with tuna for
    dinner.

9. New people have visited my art blog and
    commented.

10. You are reading this and got to number 10.
       (and so did I).

In a class setting 10 people go to the front of the
room and each of them says, "I am happy today
because."  A strange thing happens.  No matter
how grumpy the group was before that exercise,
or how grizzly the day, people start to laugh and
smile and the mood lifts.  Ideas and words have
power.  I do believe that frequently happiness is
a choice.  If we can, let's choose that state.

Have a finding-reasons-to-be-happy day

Do your own thing

 

A happy mother with her child

Photo by Barbara Muir © 2013

This happiness idea is for parents.  New babies and toddlers
are all consuming.  They absolutely require the kind
of attention we give them.  But as much as they are
our hope for the future, they are also their own hope for
their own futures.  As soon as they can walk and talk
and go to school, they will be starting their own lives
with their own ideas.

We need to go back to living our own lives, as much
as possible, as soon as we can, and give them room
 to breathe, grow and become who they want to be.
My sister, who is a therapist calls this the concept
of "benevolent neglect," which is about loving and
fostering our children, but not doing their lives
for them, or living our own lives through them. 
I see so many young adults trying to study science,
when they want to be fashion designers, trying to be
 good at sports, when they want to do art, or be
French teachers. 

If we aren't careful as parents to carry on with our
own hopes and dreams, as well as nurturing our
children's dreams, we'll be working on creating
clones.  Clones aren't happy, free people who
can choose to be anything they want to be -- they're
copies, and unhappy imitations at best.

If we take our kids to ballet, or the Science Fair,
cheer them on, but don't think of their success
as our entire life's purpose, ironically they have
a better chance of thriving and loving what they
choose to do independently.

If we can do that -- continue to focus on what
we love to do, even after we have a family --
our children will thank us one day.

Have a-focusing-on-your-own-dreams day.

Happy International Happiness Day

Ready for Joy

Barbara Muir © 2011

(I'm using the same image on both blogs tonight

because that arms in the air happy pose is the

subject of the first blog on this site, and it

is the universal posture of over-the-top happy people.) 

Today seems like a great day to announce this
blog to the world. I have been pretty busy with the
rest of my life, and that is a good thing according to
experts -- busy people are happier.  So what's up?
Well it's the first ever International Happiness Day,
and the United Nations has recognized the importance
of happiness to its 193 member states.

I've been thinking a lot about happiness and couples.
This is the first day of spring, but outside it's
still winter and it's been a long one. One of my
students loaned me a book that was
featured on Oprah's Life Class series this
winter -- The Five Love Languages by
Gary Chapman.  This book has transformed the
way I look at talking to my husband, and I'm
sure you'd enjoy it whether you are married, or
 in a love relationship, or not.

The author proposes that the main reason we are
on the planet is to be loving. That's not a new message,
but the way he applies it to marriage (and it can work
 in friendship and in all of your relationships) is if that's
our primary purpose, we'll think twice before criticizing,
joking about our mates in a negative way, or putting our
partners down with other people.

Will this destroy the humour in your relationships?
I haven't found that to be true.  I think my husband
and I have had more fun, and laughed more since
I started reading Chapman's book, than we ever
did before.  And we have always loved anything
funny.

What may disappear is sarcasm -- which doesn't
really help intimate partners, or for that matter friends,
family, or work mates.  The put down is a big part of
North American life.  But in one on one relationships,
and in relationships between countries -- it doesn't lead
to happiness.

What does help is praise, and kindness -- but as Chapman
points out we have to learn how to talk to one another first.
His book goes a long way to teaching us how to transform
our love relationships.  More loving = more loved, and
that will make us happier.

Welcome to my blog and

Happy International Happiness Day.