The elegance of kindness

 A boy walks through a child-sized arch in the 

community gardens at the Brick Works in Toronto, Canada.

These gardens were near the building where I first

started painting with my art club, the DVAC and

met my very kind friend George.

Elegance is something we all crave -- elegant homes,
stylish cars, luxurious vacations and clothes.  But I
would argue that the most important form of elegance
is kindness.  Every act of kindness is an act of love,
and as such is the sign of true elegance.  When you
help someone else in small or major ways, pay someone
a compliment, or notice the kind actions others
have performed for you, you make the world a better
place.  This isn't a new idea I know, but it's an
important one.

 A friend of mine, a fellow artist, died last week.
 In a month we will have a memorial to pay him tribute.
We are calling it a celebration, but I imagine there
will not be a dry eye in our small art club room, next to a local
library.  What I hope will resonate with everyone
present, is that a life well lived with a sense of
elegance is a life filled with kindness.  And
that is what our friend, a wonderful artist too,
had going for him.  Even confined to a wheelchair
with ALS, only able to move the device when
someone moved one hand onto the controls for
him, my friend had the grace that comes from
thoughtfulness.  He listened to my stories,
and beamed at me.  And in my mind he was still
the vigorous man he'd been a couple of years
before, who traveled around Europe appreciating
and making art, and was no doubt welcome
wherever he went.

My friend George knew how to smile, knew how
to care, and I think he definitely had figured out
how to be happy.

Have a being-kind-for-the-joy-of-it day

Look forward

 Melinda Esparza walks her dogs.

Photo By Edgar Schrock

 January is a month filled with plans, and a
sense of entering new territory.  And that's good.
A friend taught me to pay attention to how
 dogs move through life. It's rare for a dog out
for a walk to look back. She said we could learn
a vital lesson from that, and I think she's right.
It's counter intelligent to focus too much on the past,
the minute details, the what went wrong?, the who
 hurt who?, and who said what, and what does it all mean?
That doesn't mean that we can't treasure our
delightful memories of people, places, meals,
music, wonderful books, art and a whole
world of past pleasure.

But it does mean that thinking about the next
minute, what you see in front of you, what is
special right now, and then leading yourself
forward with engaging plans will be a better
way to foster feelings of happiness, than
dwelling on all the should have, could have,
would haves that plague us.  Instead move
forward and notice what's great, and
what you are doing well today.

Now how about a walk with the dog?

Have a moving-forward-with-grace day. 

(Note -  I don't mean we should forget
our history.  I mean we have to live today
no matter what that history was.)

Silly works

  Tap H-a-p-p-y on Your opposite hand.  

I usually start with the thumb, but I

photographed it this way so you could

read it.  (Note you don't need sticky notes

-- those are strictly to illustrate.) 

The beautiful hand is my 

husband Steven's contribution.

Barbara Muir © 2013

One of the things that gets in the way of my happiness,
and something many people have talked about is
obsessing.  You are lying in bed at night, warm, maybe
 even with the one you love sleeping next to you, and you are
wide awake running a movie of the next day, a fight you had
with your teenager, a big problem you're having with
a project.  The continuous loop is riveting.  You
can't sleep, you can't relax, and if this thing goes
on for days, you may not be able to eat, you may
even get sick.

How can you stop it right there? Allow your
magnificent, goofy, problem solving brain to
take over.  First take a deep breath (deep
breathing always helps us calm down -- I know
you already know this.)  Then do a child's trick.
Tap "I love you" on your opposite palm. Three taps
= I love you.  You don't love you?  You better start.
If that doesn't make you smile (back to day one),
try this. Spell out H-A-P-P-Y on your right hand
with your left hand.  If you're not alone and it's the
middle of the night, do this silently.  Try it.  Come
on.  Guess what that right hand (and your left hand
too) is perfect for spelling happy.  And -- just
spelling it begins to make your brain think you are.
At least the possibility exists.

Do me a favour and keep this to yourself.  But
sometimes the simplest little ideas transform
our existence.  And when you're trying to be
happy -- that matters.

Have a H-A-P-P-Y day.

Get professional help

 

 November sunset over a farmhouse 

on the road to Kingston

Barbara Muir © 2013

Tomorrow night on the OWN network's
Next Chapter, Oprah Winfrey will be interviewing 
David Letterman.  In part of the interview
Letterman will talk about his struggles with
depression. Depression is a far cry from
the winter blahs, or just feeling a bit low.
If you are feeling terribly sad because of a loss
or crisis in your life, or if you are suffering
from a debilitating depression, or if you just
need to talk to someone -- get help.  Ask
someone you trust to recommend a good
therapist.  In Canada psychiatrists are
covered by our health insurance.  Most
colleges and universities offer free
therapy to their students and faculty.  But
if you're not in school go to a trained
therapist.  And if one therapist isn't right
for you, get the name of another one.

And go, even if figuring out what's wrong
is painful at first, keep going.  Eventually you will
feel better, and that's going to be good.

Here's a couple of links for Canada:

Registry of Marriage and Family Therapists
in Canada Inc.

And the U.S.

American Association for Marriage and
Family Therapy

 and I'm sure many countries
have similar Professional associations that
can find you the help you're looking for.

Have a taking-care-of-yourself day.

Smile first

 

 First Stop Paris

Acrylic on canvas

30 x 30 inches

Barbara Muir © 2012

For about a year now I've wanted to write a blog about
happiness.  I'm not exactly an expert, but I've taught
courses on change management, and for about eight
years a psychology course at a community college,
and in countless cases I've seen what works.

Who am I?  I'm an artist and a teacher, a mother of
two sons and a very happy wife.  My expertise on
happiness is partially anecdotal, and also from
research because I find the topic endlessly fascinating.

What's odd is that we often hone our skills in happiness
at very hard times in our lives.  I started wanting to be
happy probably at birth.  But really began working on
it when I was the mother of a young child, my first born,
and worried that my own lack of understanding of how
 to be happy would get in his way.  He is a grown man now,
and married the one he loves this year, so I feel like my
decision to figure out how to be has worked out well
for him.

With one reason for my passion

 for happiness -- Christopher

I'm calling the blog Smile First -- because that is the
most basic rule for happiness.  Try smiling -- even
if times are hard.  Even if you've been crying because
of a horrible loss.  It is known that smiling  tells
the brain that you are happy.  We smile when we're
happy, and smiling also makes us happy.

Last night I watched a Ted Talk by Amy Cuddy --
she explains about a great study she carried
out at Harvard on Body Language.
That's also where I got the idea for my blog title.
I'm sure I'll be linked to lots of Dentistry blogs,
but I have long wanted a place to talk about
happiness in addition to my talk about art.  I do
try to combine the two because they are linked in my
mind.  But from time to time when the happiness
writing urge hits.  This will be the place.

Have a smiling first day.