Linda Bellini and Declan Boyle
Happiness is about mutual respect
I'm beginning a series on happy people. There is so muchinformation available on happiness, that I'd like to explore
how specific people define it. What makes them happy?,
how do they conquer the blues? What are their tips for
getting and staying in a happy frame of mind.
Last week I had the pleasure of talking to Linda Bellini,
an IT consultant and Declan Boyle, a Fitness Industry
expert. They are a happily married couple
with three beautiful daughters 10, 11 and 13.
What makes this family work well?
Sitting at the kitchen table I asked Linda and Declan
what it is about their own family life that makes
them happy. It was a brilliant sunny day and outside
their garden showed the love and care they put into their
home.
"I grew up with three brothers," Linda says "I have three
kids, and I love having people around. I like to know
that every time I turn around there's someone there.
Even if the girls are fighting I like being together.
I like the energy and the fact that there's always
something happening. I enjoy being part of a family."
Declan agrees. Both parents like doing things
with their children, going for bike rides, or skiing.
Outdoor activities are a big hit. "A family that
does things together and wants to see the best
for other family members creates a happy
family life," he says.
Are they getting better at being happy as they get older?
"Definitely," they assure me. Despite their beautiful home
and lovely family, they are not stress free. Declan is between
jobs at the moment and looking for work. But his attitude is
delightfully positive. "I get to spend more time with my kids,
and to be here when they get home from school."
Linda, who has a demanding job in the IT business is a
devoted and affectionate Mom. With three kids and a high
stress job, she recharges by taking time out in the day to
be alone. "I love reading," she says. "I'm enjoying
Game of Thrones at the moment." Facebook lets her catch
up on relatives in Italy, and as an escape from the pressures
of work, she likes to relax reading Hollywood gossip blogs.
Does this happily married couple have tips for other
couples wanting a strong, and loving relationship?
They do. Here are some of them:
1. Respect each other. This means listening to each other
and being there 100%.
2. Check in. Stop and really make that connection
a few times every day. Ask, 'Hey, how are you doing?'
3. Understand, appreciate and accept your differences.
Linda comes from an Italian family where confrontation
was the norm. Declan's Irish family were the complete
opposite. No one discussed issues. It's important
to realize that in a couple you are both different, and
respect that difference with your friends, your beliefs
and traditions. You have to make sure that the key
differences that matter are acknowledged and
celebrated.
4. Take an inventory of what's going well. You may
be having a hard time with work, helping your children,
an ailing parent, but take comfort in all the things
that are going well in your life. "Count your lucky
stars," Declan says.
5. Get outside. The whole family recommends this one.
Appreciating the great outdoors cheers them up and
makes them happy.
6. Don't take yourself too seriously. Or lighten up.
Realize that in most cases whether or not you're
happy or sad is your own decision -- so pick happy.
More to come: Stay tuned next week for the kids'
point of view.
